The Medieval Banquet

NOOOO.. I cant let you other eaters say this! I broght my American friends to this very Orthentic place and we had a great time. Pretty cheap and filling Jolee FAYRE (its catching!) and the wine and bear was great. The medeeval jugglers were just fantastic. A lot of songs i thougt were modern were actually old as hills and it was great. we linged arms and sang what shall we do with the drunken sailor.

Henry the 8 looked just like in a book or film. My Americans said they felt like the film A Yank in King Arthurs court.! high praise indeed.

They said they hadnt had such great grub or a time in years and cant wait to come back
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david Miller
Overall rating
Food 10 | Service 10 | Atmosphere 10 | Value for money 10
Monday, January 05, 2009

Wow, this was bad. Really awful. My wife and I were in London for our "Babymoon" and since she could not drink and we wanted to avoid the crowds down by Westminster, we thought the Medievel Banquet would be a good idea. I was wrong, wrong, wrong. First, the staff to get us in was rude and inept. Then the "all you can drink beer" was a flat, foul smelling ale. the food was disgusting. Entertainment - - terrible. The only thing amusing was the Beefeater walking around with a beer clearly contemplating why his life has taken such a terrible turn. Don't go. I am not kidding. I wanted to give this place all "0" but want to try and be nice.
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Ethan
Overall rating
Food 1 | Service 1 | Atmosphere 1 | Value for money 0
Monday, January 05, 2009

Well where do I start! To sum it up it was the worst night of my life going to the medieval banquet!!!!

We arrived at 7.45pm only having to queue outside and wait to be seen by a person behind the counter which was fine then we were told to head downstairs to be seated. We got downstairs and proceeded to make our own way to the table only to be greeted by a lady who clearly did not know what section was what.

Once seated, we had another 8 people sit with us and we had one jug of beer (which was tap water) and a jug of white and red wine. If you only drink soft drinks then only water was offered to you (which each bottle was filled up from a tap!!) We asked the waitress for another jug of white wine to be told we were not allowed another one until that had gone. How stupid ..... felt like we were back in school!

Entertainment: Henry Viii came out looking nothing like him. There was no sign of ginger hair or even a beard. He was a skinny little man with a fat suit on. My friends and I decided that during the middle of the night we needed to go to the toilet which we did however, when we came out to return to our seats we were told that we could not sit down until the entertainment had finished. We spent 10 minutes standing near the bar bored in hell. A juggler was trying to entertain people however, a trained monkey could have done better . We paid £43 quid and was staring at a rotten old mat - how exciting! The man who was attempting to sing needed to stand a greater distance from the mic as he just sounded like a train announcer and noone could understand him - the Lady Katherine had to help him out with her voice which was probably the best part of the entertainment. Unfortunately I think someone needs to tell the people that electricity was not part of a guitar in medieval times!!!

Food: One word DISGUSTING. The menu had completely changed from what was advertised on the web site. It was my friends birthday and she didnt eat a single thing as it was horrible. Some of us attempted the food bravely but I think thats because we were hungry. Overall, the food was worse than if you got some 'street meat' from a stall outside. Beware if you have soup you drink from the bowls which dont look that clean. When we asked for a spoon we was told that in medieval times the soup was drank from the bowl - someone should have told them about the electricity issue with the mic and electric guitar!!! We thought our saving grace was the dessert but even that was horrible - noone could identify what it consisted of.

Venue: authentic venue however, it was freezing cold. We sat with out coats on the entire night!! I think some of the dancers need to practice some new moves it was all repetitive.

Wenches (waitresses): a bowl is put on the table at the end of the meal for tips for the waitresses. What a bloody cheek - surely some of the £43 goes to them as its definately not spent on the food or drink. Nobody put any money in our bowl which then led to the waitress actually asking us for money.

As soon as the meal had ended we left. It was a huge disappoinment and its safe to say that we will not be going there again. For £43 pound its a waste of money and I think even £20 is too much for this rubbish!!!!

If you can avoid it like the plague - I think even catching the plague would have been much more entertaining!!!
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Jill Thomson
Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 2 | Atmosphere 2 | Value for money 0
Sunday, January 04, 2009

Absolutly brilliant! I loved every bit of it, the entertainers were amazing, like riding a unicycle round the room while juggling 3 balls. Im really glad i came for New years eve and some of the food was a bit grose, but the main course was delicious. The time went very quickly and i liked swaying from side to side holding other peoples arms and njoying the lovley evening, and i just cant wait to come back next year...........
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Overall rating
Food 6 | Service 5 | Atmosphere 7 | Value for money 4
Thursday, January 01, 2009

Food was terrible, the beer was warm and the forced singing and dancing was just offensive. It had all the fun of a prostrate exam.

P.S. King Henry VIII must be quite the dapper sportsman, as he strolled around wearing what appeared to be a cricket box.
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Peeved Patron
Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Words almost fail me....ALMOST

This place is quite simply appalling and offesnive in the extreme. I have never, and I mean never, experienced such an awful 'eating' experience. The venue was frighteningly accurate in its representation of Medieval hygiene standards and we were promptly served 'chicken' in pans that had obviously been cleaned with spit and grime. The mushroom 'soup' clearly cost no more than a pound and I would have been grateful if the chef had actually bothered to boil the 'boiled potatoes'. Wenches with body hygiene issues then proceeded to make us hold hands and forcefully engage in some form of medieval 'kumbaya'. This might have been acceptable were I a child but as a 54 year old with a history of angina this was degrading and life-threatening. I was not impressed.

The entertainment was crass at best. Juggling balls and unicycles? I'll pass. Thanks.
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Arthur
Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 5 | Atmosphere 4 | Value for money 1
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

I can't think of a word worse than 'hell' to describe this place.
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Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Abandon hope all ye who enter here

In describing the Medieval Banquet experience as “a vision of hell more accurate than Dante's inferno” I fear the previous reviewer may have been too generous.

On arrival, we were greeted by trays of greasy microwaved canapés, glasses of watered-down cider and an overpowering smell of dish-cloths and stale beer. The damp and dingy atmosphere was fully in keeping with the Medieval period but any further pretence of historical accuracy ended there.

The atmosphere of Compulsory Jollity was enforced by a company of out-of-work actors bellowing into microphones and grim-faced ‘wenches’ in cheap nylon costumes. Our inedible meal, washed down with wine that could strip paint at 100 paces, was drawn-out and painful, punctuated by recorded fanfares and a sorry parade of inept jugglers, twanging guitars, half-hearted dances and a sing-along to The Drunken Sailor where we were all encouraged to link arms and sway, all of which occurred at a conversation-stopping roar. After two hours I seriously contemplated putting an end to it all by drowning myself in the cauliflower soup.

The Medieval Age itself, despite the prevalence of leprosy, feudalism, poor personal hygiene and the Black Death, was surely more fun than an evening at the Medieval Banquet.
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Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Friday, December 19, 2008

Went to the medieval banquet on Thursday 18th December 2008.

Overall I am left thinking that those are 3 hours of my life I will never get back.

Venue: Dark and dingy. Damp bordering on cold with an air vent blowing cigarette smoke to our table from the people who were smoking outside. Stunk of bleach.

Entertainment: Couldn't see what was going on properly given the layout. A ridiculous array of songs relayed to the table via a shrill tinny speaker that left us with tinitus.

Service: mexican waitress who spoke no English and forgot to take away the plates for our starter.

Food. Appalling - Apparently the food is better in prison. Greasy salmon. processed turkey slices with tinned potatoes. value mince pies.
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Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 1
Friday, December 19, 2008

Rude Staff, Hellish Atmosphere!

A vision of hell more accurate than Dante's Inferno. I was barraged with the constant "Lord's and Ladies" mantra from the hideous Master of Ceremonies so much that I forgot what the words meant and went into a hypnotic trance.

They warn you during the performances, that you can't leave, but it's never clear when a performance is over. I had had enough, and wanted to leave, so tried to leave as soon as I thought a performance was over, only to have a long haired mess of a man-who-needs-a-proper-job tell me that he had told me once (he hadn't) and if he has to tell me again he got get really narky. Well he was already was narky, and rude, and in fact encroached more on the performers area that I would have if I could have just left!

The first course was delivered with all the elegance and enthusiasm of a builder relocating some bricks. When we tried to assist the hassled waitress with the clearing up she shouted at us to leave the knife and fork (apparently we have to reuse)!! I suppose she had to shout as it's nigh on impossible to talk at a normal volume, when the performance who are much-more-important-than-yew! shout so loudly through their microphones!

The constant drone of the "entertainment" is the most hellish of all of the aspects of this dungeon. The performances are desperate for you to know how great they are, and yapped away shouting drivel for the 90 minutes I survived in the place. They seems to only know that in Medieval Banquet's people were referred to as "Lord's and ladies' and will remind you of this fact, about 3 times every sentence (and you think I'm exaggerating - just go there!). Perhaps I want to try and have my own conversation without being interrupted by you!

So in summary: If you want to show your children where they’ll end up after death if they don’t do their homework, then take them here, and they’ll be so scared of damnation for life they’ll be saintly until the end of their days.
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Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Friday, December 12, 2008