The Phene

My night at The Phene was all set to be a perfect evening, we'd just been to Infosec and met clients and colleagues, and one of the companies I work with had booked out The Phene for an after party. First impressions were a bit frosty, I'm slightly younger than my colleagues and I got a very disapproving greeting by the security man, but hey ho it's all good we're in Chelsea I understand. I proceeded to have a couple of drinks which were distinctly average, served by the bar people who seemed fairly incompetent and more concerned with looking “cool” than serving customers. The problems came when I wanted to go for my first cigarette of the evening, firstly I was told there were too many people outside and then when I finally did get outside and start to talk about work-related matters with a colleague we were told every 3 minutes to “SHUSH” by the angry-looking bouncer.

This was extremely rude seen as the whole crowd was talking at completely normal levels with no rowdiness. This continued ALL evening and I genuinely felt like I was being targeted (I doubt I was but it did feel unfair), at one point at about 2130 I was first told I wasn’t allowed in the garden, then told I could stand on the patio bit, then I was backed in to a corner by the bouncer because he didn’t trust me? I told him I get claustrophobic and he said “what are you going to do about it?” I was absolutely appalled at his attitude and genuinely shocked he had the cheek to talk to someone like that. This is a pub I would NEVER recommend, not even to a person whose night I wanted to ruin. The bouncers were obnoxious, selfish, inconsiderate and rude. They came down the road (approx. 150 metres) to tell us to move on at the end of the night, I did snap at this point and shout some profanities but I feel they were completely justified. They even told our taxi driver to move on while we were waiting for one of the party to get in. It’s genuinely impressive when a completely free night turns out to be one you remember for all the wrong reasons. You could through a party in a Wetherspoons, as long as it was free-drinks-for-all everyone would have a good time.

Don’t bother going to this bar, you will not be made to feel welcome.

Addition: I don’t know if there are a lot of deviants in Chelsea, but at what point do you put a mirror directly in front of the urinals? Really strange, it was like being in a house of mirrors but everywhere you looked there was another man’s business right there.
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Mark
0 Overall rating
Food 1 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Thursday, April 26, 2012

Had a good time at The Phene, the food is much improved from the last visit, the special cod was really good.

I always like the atmosphere and with the heaters outside it is great
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sarah
7 Overall rating
Food 7 | Service 6 | Atmosphere 8 | Value for money 7
Friday, October 21, 2011

Thought it was going to be an entertaining evening whilst we were at The Phene, looking forward to drinks and being in the garden.

However, what a let down! Went with a friend of mine who lives close by and the service was terrible. Bar staff were slow and did not seem vaguely interested in customers waiting to be served.

If they paid more attention to the bar staff instead of the ridiculous security men that were there then they could be getting a good review. There were 3 of them there and it was a joke to be honest. People were being snarled at for quietly (and I mean quietly) enjoying an early evening drink. They were pathetic.

It is also not cheap (neither is Chelsea), but there are better places to enjoy a drink where you can hold a conversation.
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Jim
3 Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 2 | Atmosphere 4 | Value for money 4
Thursday, October 13, 2011

Went there last weekend for a few drinks. Had never been before but it was awful. The service was absolutely dreadful, they take so long to serve I could have walked home and back in that time.

The atmosphere is not too bad, but it is just a waste of time as it will take you forever to get served.

The security were awful as well, they were rude and seemed completely useless. Just a waste of time and effort, go somewhere else.
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Hamish
2 Overall rating
Food 2 | Service 1 | Atmosphere 3 | Value for money 2
Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Expensive, terrible service, awful food: fig salad - over ripe, exploding figs, messy/old salad; risotto cake - extremely salty and dull; lemon tart with strawberries - could have fooled me....no strawberries and didnt taste of lemon either!! Atmosphere nice and garden pretty but wouldnt waste my time / money walking there again to eat. Very sloppy and poor. Would rather spend a tenner on a pizza elsewhere - the Phene need to buck up their ideas.
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Georgia
4 Overall rating
Food 3 | Service 4 | Atmosphere 7 | Value for money 3
Friday, September 23, 2011

Went for dinner here in Aug and really wish I hadn't. Truly awful salad for entre [stale leaves, that smelt well past their best], and dried out sea bass for main course. Couldn’t wait to leave. Clearly a nice drinking pub but it certainly isn’t noteworthy for the food they serve.
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i-noticethings - View all reviews by this user
4 Overall rating
Food 2 | Service 5 | Atmosphere 7 | Value for money 2
Thursday, August 18, 2011

Unbelievably awful service ... not sure I have ever seen worse.

If their waiters were half as efficient as their massive security team, they might actually get something done. We were studiously ignored for an hour, and when we complained, it took another 20 minutes of them arguing about whose responsibility this was to actually get back and take our order. The supervisor came over to apologise, but the speech was clearly defensive rather than apologetic. Most of the staff have a very bad attitude from what I saw.

The food is very, very average and you can do a lot better for less money in this area. Avoid.
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1 Overall rating
Food 1 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 1 | Value for money 0
Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Went to the Phene last night and had an enjoyable dinner (nice fish and chips with divine minted peas!), ok burger and really great, friendly Kosovan waiter. All was great until we went outside to finish our wine after we'd eaten. So, we stepped outside and were immediately told that we couldn't stand outside by one of the two security guards. It was about 9pm. There was tons of room, but no-one was allowed to stand, unless they were smoking in a tiny area just outside the pub. My friend wanted to smoke, so she stood outside (but wasn't allowed to hold her glass of wine) and my husband and I went inside. Someone outside soon left, so we went out and got the table (yes, now we were allowed in the garden).

The atmosphere was just so strange, with this big spacious pretty garden with people sparsely distributed at the tables, a few people squished into the smoking area and these two security guards hovering around. A guy on a table near the door was reprimanded for something (talking loudly, perhaps - this is Chelsea!!). It was just ridiculous. We polished off our wine (not cheap - the house wine is £18, the cheapest chardonnay is £31) and left, past the two security guards in the garden and past the two more on the front door. What the ....? Really, don't bother going, unless you think this is acceptable. They really need to sort this whole over-the-top security thing out. I know it's in a residential area, but it was way OTT. The Kosovan guy was absolutely great and the food was good, but this strange security thing will mean I will NEVER go back!

I've marked the service as 5 - 10 for the waiter and 0 for the security guys.
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Sophie
4 Overall rating
Food 7 | Service 5 | Atmosphere 2 | Value for money 3
Saturday, July 09, 2011

Don't bother, I wish we hadn't!

i am not really sure where to start with this so let's go from the beginning. I went for a close friends birthday celebration for which we had booked an area outside. Upon arriving I was ignored by two members of staff before finding the private area myself and heading in. Not a good start but forgiveable even though they weren't that busy.

Went to order a drink, a Bloody Mary in fact. Any decent pub can make a reasonable bloody mary and it really should only take a couple of minutes to make from scratch, so needless to say i was surprised when mine appeared 20 seconds later from a Jug in the fridge. Again forgiveable if made well and tasty but this was one of the worst Bloody Mary's I have ever had and to be charged £8.50 for the privilege was laughable.

Having quickly got rid of that drink I thought I would settle for a beer as what can go wrong? Well, all of the draft taps were broken, something to do with the chiller, OK a bottle then? A prettty poor selection on offer and I was informed that i should wait for 15-20 minutes as the bottles were not cold because the fridgs were not working properly. Really?? My rubbish bloody mary was cold enough. And again, being charged £4.10 for a warm beer is totally unacceptable.

During the actual party, the canapes served were actually not too bad although not all together thrilling, in fact the best thing was the bitesize fish and chips which was actually quite tasty but any half decent pub can do fish and chips. The service again let this down with waiters constantly bumping into people, taking away half drunk drinks and general rudeness. in fact, when someone jokingly mentioned the warm beer, one guy simply said "put it in the ice bucket then" - Rude

I did mention my misgivings to the Manager on the day who simply told me that they were very busy.

Anyway, for a pub in a VERY smart area you would expect them to care a bit more about their customers needs and the qulaity of the fare they serve. Warm beer and pre-made Bloody Mary's are just a small example of what is very wrong here.
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Wattsie2011 - View all reviews by this user
2 Overall rating
Food 3 | Service 2 | Atmosphere 2 | Value for money 1
Monday, July 04, 2011

I have to say that I am more than a little disappointed by the way the Phene is being run. The manager looked a total mess, his shirt was extremely crumpled and obviously not ironed and his trousers were literally hanging off his behind. I do not believe that this represents a great image for the Phene.

We sat in the restaurant section and we ordered our drinks, within 5 minutes I saw our drinks waiting at the bar, however after a further 10 minutes (15 minutes wait in total) they were still sat at the bar and we had not been served. When I got up from our table and approached our waiter to say I can see the drinks at the bar shall I just get them myself he just said yes and made no attempt to apologise or even to get them for us so I had to go to the bar and then take the drinks back to my table. I have to say wherever I have been for lunch this has NEVER happened before, even in McDonald's they serve you the drinks and you do not need to get them yourselves.

Our mains arrived after 15 minutes which was fine however we were never approached during the meal to see if we needed anything else and after the meal the plates were just whipped away from us with no comment or smile from the waiter. The worse thing is that when we arrived we were told that we were 'lucky' as they weren't that busy, which made the situation even worse.

Funnily enough our friend was also eating at the Phene and he was made to wait for a further 10 minutes after this food was served to be served the ketchup that he had asked for and had to remind the waiter after 10 minutes that he was still waiting.

Two other tables around us also had problems, a father dining out with his son and daughter was served his meal as well as his son however his daughters meal was missed and the wait was a further 20 minutes after the father and son were served so they could not eat at the same time.

Another table of ladies behind us ordered a bottle of Prosecco and were served the bottle but they had no cold bottles so they would have to wait for the bottle to get chilled in the ice bucket before they were able to drink it, they were not happy as they were not offered anything else and to be honest I am not sure how you can run out of cold bottles of Prosecco on a Sunday afternoon!

All in all, I am not confident with the Phene at all and I shall not be returning or recommending it to anyone else. I had been there a few weeks before and also complained, however it is always a worry that when you make a complaint to the manager and get him to give you his opinion on what he would do in your situation and the response you get is leave and not come back, this is not what you really want to hear as a customer.

My director took some clients to the Phene a couple of weeks ago as well and she will also not be returning let alone entertaining any of our clients there as the situation was just as bad on a Thursday. The place was filthy and even the staff were remarking that they were looking for new jobs, which our waiter also mentioned to us yesterday.

Therefore after our bad visit last time with the dirty glasses which I was asked to clean myself, being snarled at that we had the we had the wrong menu's after being given them at the bar, being spoken to by the manger with his boxer shorts hanging out, the filthy tables and the problems encountered yesterday, we will not be returning.

This is a great shame as the Phene has the potential of being a great place again however it looks like it has a long way to go to get back up to the standards required.
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1 Overall rating
Food 2 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0
Monday, June 06, 2011