Ritzy Cafe

Nice cafe, nice surroundings and nice music.

However, a warning to cinema goers. If you want to eat before the film, be aware that service is PAINFULLY slow. Twice, I have ordered a crepe at least an hour before the film. First time, they were just on a go-slow and after 45 minutes I had to go the counter where staff said, "oh, your order is next".

Second time, they put my order on the 'done' pile, so they must have served mine to someone else. I only found out after a 50 minute wait when going to counter.

On both occasions, I had to gobble a hastily prepared crepe in 5 minutes before the film started.

This is one of the nicer places in Brixton to hang out. It is such a shame that it is acquiring a name for slow service ( a lot of my friends have said the same thing). I hope they will get their act together again.
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Justin Brady
Overall rating
Food 4 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 7 | Value for money 4
Monday, December 31, 2007

During the late nineties as an impoverished student I had an epiphany. My bank manager was on the phone to my parents on an almost daily basis, explaining in a roundabout way that I was, em, "urinating" my money up the proverbial wall. They say you're always your parents' child and no matter how old I am angry phone calls from the folks continue to have a sobering effect.

Something had to give in order for me to avoid Mr Bailiff's wooden bat. Obviously, giving up my weekly ration of White Lightning and Tesco Value Gin was completely out of the question so I turned towards my weekly food shopping list for money saving solutions. For the first time in my life I was paying attention to the prices of the items of food I bought. It was goodbye to Nesquik, Haribo, Coco Pops, multipacks of Twix and hello to 8 pence tins of beans accompanied by toasted bread that miraculously NEVER went off.

I believe it was the bible that lamented that "man cannot live off beans and pseudobread alone" and indeed it was correct for I soon tired of this frankly awful diet. So, coming back to the epiphany I alluded to in my opening gambit, I discovered that I could make my own pizzas. All I needed to buy was a box of ready made pizza bases, some tomato puree and whatever it was I wished to top my pizza with, be it sausage, ham, cheese, marmite, malteasers or bonjela. This would provide the variety my life so sadly lacked and would cost at most £20 per week. Result. Well, kind of.

My plan had one fatal flaw; I have no culinary talent whatsoever. Actually, two fatal flaws because ready made pizza bases make good substitutes for dinner plates should your washing up pile ever become infested with some sort of penicillin-like substance that you are unable to clear up due to your fear of accidentally destroying a Nobel prizewinning fungus. Sorry, I digress but ready made pizza bases are a tooth-crackingly vile offense on the world of creative pizza and were you to make the mistake of mixing Nutella and cheese as some sort of miracle wonder topping you may find yourself both vomiting and £20 out of pocket.

Right so. As you can see, a 4 paragraph description of nightmarishly bad student-fare has been required in order for you to even dip your toe into the murky depths of Ritzy's catering. I wanted you to be ready, to share, to empathise and finally to understand. Perhaps you will shed a tear, who knows.

The Ritzy is in Brixton. People get shot there. In fact, on the very day I chanced upon this cine-cafe there were police notices around the area begging for assistance in a murder case. I have driven through Birxton and clocked warnings of car-jackings and never have I been more grateful to the good people at Alfa Romeo for deciding that my car needed an internal locking system. One would think that to attract people to a Brixton eatery your food would have to be pretty damn spectacular.

And so The Ritzy's food was, once upon a time. A number of people have recommended The Ritzy for its fantastic atmosphere, imaginative menu, live music and personable service. There is a review in the stairwell (one year old) so glowingly enthusiastic that I wouldn't have been surprised had a bastard child journo-cafe hybrid walked down the stairs to greet and fellate me. I was in a good place, I would do well here.

I certainly cannot knock the atmosphere. The Ritzy seems to be where the bold and beautful contingent of Brixton congregate and they bring with themselves an air of cool sophistication that I wanted to bottle up and take home to my Ikea showroom flat. Initial service was good too. The barstaff, again members of the too-cool-for-school Brixton fraternity, seemed eager enough to serve without delay or complaint. Finally, whilst I'm in this complimentary mood, the prices were pretty reasonable.

But the menu, oh the menu. You have a limited choice of assorted pizzas or narcoleptically dull slabs of organic material between 2 bits of bread, masquerading as sandwiches. There is a kid's menu but hey, I'm not a kid so I ordered a pizza. I went for the blandest thing on the menu and watched in impotent astonishment as it was delivered to the wrong table. The conversation went something like this:

Waiter: "Did you order the margherita?"

Customer: "No, why?"

Waiter: "Somebody's ordered a margherita and I can't find the table."

Customer: "Oh, well I'll have it then."

Waiter: "Oh, here you go."

Me: "Ahem, I'm over here. Hello? Hello?"

After some polite complaining, my pizza arrived. I note at this point that the person who actually ate my pizza had spotted my agitation and felt that the best way to placate me would be to shrug her shoulders, give me a cheeky little wink and get back to drinking her wine. It didn't work but that's by the by. The pizza was an abomination. Back in my student days I genuinely made a pizza that had tomato puree, cheese, chopped up mars bar, onions, pepperami, golden syrup, nutella, malteasers, philadelphia cheese and "hundreds and thousands" on it. Without any exaggeration it was warmer, crispier, healthier and more aesthetically pleasing than the discoid object I was presented with at The Ritzy. My student pizza went in the bin; at The Ritzy I simply requested some kind of compensation, which was refused.

The Ritzy has so much potential I feel actual sadness at the shoddy way it is being managed these days. I have been reliably informed that their former menu was fantastic, as was the food. Presently I can't see myself ever returning.
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blindmelon - View all reviews by this user
Overall rating
Food 2 | Service 1 | Atmosphere 8 | Value for money 3
Sunday, November 18, 2007

Something bad has happened to the Ritzy......

I have lived in Brixton for the last two years, and always had the Ritzy cafe up my sleeve to take friends to to prove that Brixton had some classy venues.

I loved the set up of the cafe in the cinema, the views, and the chilled relaxed atmosphere. The film-based pizza menu was also a fun touch, and they did lovely desserts (banoffe pie etc.)

I was therefore very sad to when I went there on a date (my choice of venue!) a couple of weeks ago (9th Nov) to find that the menu had been drastically scaled down to a few bland pizzas, bog-standard sandwiches and the rather odd concept of the "kiddie lunch". And not a bit of whipped cream in sight.

Sadly, things only got worse. We waited over half an hour for our two pizzas, only to discover on asking at the kitchen, that they had been served to (and eaten by!!) the wrong table. The waitress apologised and assured us that our pizzas would be there in 5 minutes. One did arrive soon after, but the other didn't. After asking the waitress again, the second pizza finally arrived after another 20 minutes (by which time the first was cold). Having paid upfront at the time of ordering, we asked for a beer on the house to compensate for the mistake.However, we were told by the waitress that she wasn't allowed to do this, and that all we could do was to ask for a full refund at the bar.

What a shame! is all I can say. Perhaps there has been a change in management or in kitchen staff, but this has really let the Ritzy down and it will be a while before I go there again.
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Philippa East
Overall rating
Food 3 | Service 1 | Atmosphere 8 | Value for money 6
Thursday, November 15, 2007

My husband I eat here every time we go to the movies. The food has always been excellent and though the service can be slow when they are busy, it is always friendly. An excellent place to relax with coffee and a sandwich before or after the film or any time really.
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Overall rating
Food 9 | Service 8 | Atmosphere 9 | Value for money 9
Sunday, November 19, 2006

fantastic atmosphere,food was great and the staff were excellent.The best bit was the free live jazz in the evening.

I strongly recommend the cafe for a great night out or for a quick meal before seeing

a film in their exquisite cinema
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Rob Belfield
Overall rating
Food 9 | Service 10 | Atmosphere 10 | Value for money 9
Tuesday, January 10, 2006