All reader reviews by Maya

The Medieval Banquet

Absolutely DREADFUL place to go to. I am not a picky person but this was a complete waste of money at £50 per head! No manager there on the night to speak to - instead, we just got fobbed off to write in a complaint on a folded piece of paper at the bar (that would no doubt go straight in the bin). This is not a restaurant – it’s a cellar with poor lighting, overly loud background music and no entertainment (only 2 minute performances with 20 minute breaks in between).

We went there on 25th January 2012 for a special occasion and despite us being told that there would be around 70 other guests there (apparently when it's full there are around 400 guests there), there were only around 40 people. That alone was a letdown as atmosphere does count for something.

You would think that being so few people to serve, that the entertainment (if you can call it that) would be much more interesting and personal. Well it could not be less personal and awful all at the same time. The two waitresses for the two sides of the cellar looked like they would rather be at a funeral in the rain.

The food was of very poor quality - we did not stay the entire “meal”, so couldn't tell you about the "apple pie" we missed, but the first thing was a lousy pumpkin soup served with stale bread (no spoon - dip the bread to eat). The next was a platter of confused ingredients. Basically each pile consisted of a thin sliver of cheese, a slice of what looked like ham in the dim light, some shredded chicken and then topped with a thin slice of pate. Once again to be "enjoyed" with the stale bread. Each person got one pile of this. The next dish was chicken (COLD, cooked the day before or left overs – definitely NOT fresh) with hardly any sauce and dry, cold chips (white potato and sweet potato). The next dish was apparently going to be the apple pie. DISGUSTING stuff. I could have eaten better in McDonalds for £5!!!!

There was a rowdy bunch of around 15 people dressed in leather (I am guessing bikers), who were smashing their cutlery against the plates making as much noise as possible all night long. Migraine material - they were not challenged by the staff and to be honest, they were the only ones who had a good time as they just made it that within their own group ignoring everything around them. They were too drunk to notice anything around them anyway, so I am sure in their minds it was great. The other tables consisted of 6 very disappointed Asians (who left before us!!!) and another table of 6 and a table of 7 I believe, who looked equally as shocked and regretful of having spent the money to get in. The leather dressed group of 15 were throwing bread around all night long and when the chicken came, the chicken bones started flying!!! The staff said nothing.

The entertainment is a cross of a bankrupt circus performance and a recession-hit high school musical. Not medieval - the only medieval thing were the costumes of two people (won't even call them entertainers or actors). Mainly one lord looking costume with plastic sword and a knight shirt with yet another plastic sword). The others were dressed not one bit medieval - could have been Bavarian waitresses. The sound system kept on cutting out so while they were singing (and really, this is not a long performance and anything to listen to), it sounded like your hearing aid was giving up because it had dropped in a bowl of fish water.

The performance by the way was a spurt of 2 minutes with a break of around 20 minutes (while you get served cold food), followed by another 2 minutes with another break. So continuous entertainment this is NOT. It is a FARCE! The biker group kept getting up every 10 minutes (all of them) for a cigarette break so there was a constant coming and going in the already poorly occupied area. Furthermore, the music was turned up so loud, that you could hardly hear yourself think. I believe they mean overly loud music with entertainment.... not actual performances.

Truthfully, believe the bad reviews you can read on this site – these are true. Nothing is over-exaggerated. If anything, the disappointment is highly under-exaggerated. I will be raising this issue with my credit card company, as I am not willing to take this lying down.

£50 per head is better spent in your run of the mill high street restaurant like Pizza Express – and you get some change and don’t walk out with a headache!

Thursday, January 26, 2012
Overall rating
Food 0 | Service 0 | Atmosphere 0 | Value for money 0